How Embracing Being Single Can Help You Find a Relationship AND Be Single

There’s a saying that you’re more likely to find a relationship when you’re not looking for one. It’s not entirely clear that that is true. But there does appear to be at least some truth to the idea that two things increase your odds of finding a relationship:

·       Loving with and being happy with yourself.

·       Not being “desperate” for a relationship.

Obviously, seeking out a relationship is normal. That’s why people use dating apps, and have done so successfully. Yet, there is some truth to the idea that you cannot force a relationship to happen, and that the best way to find yourself with someone you really care about is to let things happen organically.

Part of that means being psychologically and emotionally okay with being single – something that can be difficult if you’re hoping to be in a relationship. It can be hard to be single. It can cause issues with self-esteem, concerns over the potential to get married and have a family, challenges associated with feeling like your own emotional and romantic needs are not being met.

Yet, the more you can be comfortable enough with yourself to be single, the better a position you will be in to address relationships the right way.

Confidence and Attraction

Confidence is an attractive quality. Research has confirmed that those that show more confidence in themselves are more likely to attract mates. Being single can hurt confidence, creating a bit of a catch-22. Similarly, when someone is feeling as though they “need” a relationship for their happiness, it can make someone look less confident. Teaching someone to be okay being single can thus improve confidence and potentially make someone more attractive to their preferred partner.

Embracing Your Likes/Dislikes

When a person is struggling while seeking a relationship, it’s not uncommon for them to find that their activities are all designed around it. They focus so much on finding a mate that they do not engage in as many activities that they enjoy. They lose themselves.

Yet these activities also can make you appear more attractive to a potential partner and help you meet someone that’s right for you. For the former, people are attracted to those that are interesting, and a person that travels, has hobbies, and more is going to be more interesting to others. For the latter, if you happen to meet someone that is engaging in those same hobbies and activities, then you have someone that shares in commonalities – a good start to building a relationship.

Finding the Right Person

What matters is not finding *someone*. What matters is finding the right person. It’s more than physical attraction. It’s more than being in a relationship. You wouldn’t want to commit to someone that is unkind or not right for you.

That requires you to be okay being single. You have to be willing and able to break up with people. You have to only date those that you have a real connection with. Those too focused on seeking a relationship may find themselves with a partner that may not be right, or may even be actively harmful to their mental health.

Or Not

Lastly, there is never any reason to give up hope. Relationships are out there. There are those looking for someone like you, right now. But what happens if you cannot find that person?

If you can’t love yourself while you’re single, then you will also find yourself too unhappy and too hurt. You won’t be able to live the highest quality of life possible. There are studies that show that many single people that have embraced singlehood are happier and live longer than even those in relationships (in some cases), but it starts by accepting yourself as single, without finding that to be emotionally upsetting.

Loving Yourself Single, in a Relationship, and Married

If you want love, you should never give up on it. But it is still important to love yourself while you’re single, and not put pressure on yourself to be with someone else at the expense of your mental health. You can lead a great life in *all* scenarios, but it starts by first accepting where you and who you are, and allowing whatever happens to follow.

If you need help with being single, or engaging in relationships that are built to last, please reach out to me today.