How to Embrace Being Single Without a Timeline

There is a saying that you will find the person you were meant to be with when you’re not looking for them. Yet, for those that desire a relationship, that is a difficult ask.

Many of us feel pressured to find a relationship, because we want to get married at a “reasonable age” (typically, around the same time as our peers), have children while it’s biologically more likely, and live your life with someone else by your side.

Yet this desire to live life according to a specific timeline comes fraught with drawbacks:

·       When you’re not reaching your timeline, it can lead to depression and anxiety.

·       When you’re putting that much pressure on having a relationship, you may be trying to connect with the wrong people.

·       When you see life on a timeline, you often miss other experiences you could have had in the process.

Many of us desire relationships. It’s a part of the human experience. But the last thing you want to do is wake up and realize you’ve missed out on many years of your life because you prioritized relationships and nothing else. It’s possible to learn to live your life without a timeline, where you can embrace singlehood and all it provides, while also opening up the door for a relationship to happen should an opportunity arise.

The Process of Loving Yourself

Relationships require two people. But we cannot control the desires and choices of that second person. What we can control is how much joy and acceptance we have for ourselves along the way. When you love yourself as a single person, you:

·       Engage in activities that bring you real life joy and fulfillment.

·       Achieve potentially incredible goals that you set for yourself along the way.

·       Wait for a person that brings you true happiness, should one come.

Prioritizing relationships above all else according to a specific timeline means that you may waste years focused on finding someone instead of your own hobbies. It means that you may commit to people that aren’t right for you, because you’re concerned more about your status than your happiness. It may mean you overlook better relationship choices and sacrifice more of yourself to try to achieve something that may not be what your life needs.

Your Fulfillment Makes You a More Attractive Partner

Though it is not the goal of learning to be single, it should also be noted that potential mates are often more attracted to someone that is happy, that has their “life together,” that has good self-esteem and engages in meaningful hobbies. Loving yourself, then, plays a role in finding a partner, even if we have to be careful that we’re not making these changes solely to find a mate.

Singles Counseling, Coaching, and Help

Our goal should always be to live the best life we can in the circumstances we have. That often means that we have to be okay with the idea of being single, developing skills to have the best, most enjoyable singles life we can while also keeping the door open for a relationship should one come to be.

Working with a therapist, you can learn more of these skills and develop the tools you need to love who you are and what you’re experiencing more deeply, in a way that isn’t entirely relationship dependent. To learn more, please reach out to me today.